Back in the beginning of our second conflict with Sadaam and the I-raqis, America decided to rid itself of the French. The word French was replaced by Freedom; Bill O’Reilly led a boycott against French goods. So, how is it that these tonneau covers went untouched and un-renamed? Let’s take a closer look.
I try to steer clear of anything that sounds too fruity, and anything that even whiffs of the French is definitely too fruity for me. But, when I needed a truck bed cover for my Dodge, the one I bought said “tonneau” on the box. I was furious—the nerd at the local truck accessories shop must have known I would have stormed out before buying a frog product and hid the name from me. Anyways, I immediately went back and asked for a refund. What I got was a quick education in truck bed covers.
The guy behind the desk told me that, not only was this “tonneau” not French, it was made by a company called Access right here in America. Apparently, they inherited this wimpy euro name somewhere in the last 15 years, when soft vinyl covers became very popular. A “tonneau”, actually, was the name for the snap cover for the back seat of old cars, like Model Ts and such.
So, how did this name overtake something simple like “bed cover” or “truck bed cover?” Well, it had vinyl, and snaps, so some people couldn’t bother to separate them from a product that stopped appearing with regularity sometime after the Gatsbys of the world disappeared. At least that’s what that dork at the shop told me.
Me, I think it was a conspiracy, put on by the same censoring suits and hippies who back the liberal media conspiracy. Liberals love to spread French words and that hate-America-first, surrender-now attitude. It wouldn’t surprise me if they were trying to soften the truck-owning heart of America with wimpy language and gas-guzzler taxes like a 1-2 punch. If you have a truck bed cover, you’re still an all-American soldier, fighting for the American way. If you have a tonneau cover, though, you’re a weaker, softer drone just waiting for secular progressives to drag you along on their plans to fatten the wallets of New England elites. It’s a subtle word change, but it means so much more.
Right here and now, I’m calling for an extension of the French boycott that covers these fruity “tonneau covers.” From now on, they should be known as truck bed covers or freedom covers. If they’re not marked as such on the box, don’t buy it. Let the truck accessories dealers of America know what they’re supporting when they carry tonneau covers. I called the folks at Access and told them about the cause, and they told me they saw things my way, so I ended up buying one of their fine American covers anyway. They assured me that the name would change before I needed one for my next truck. And, they blacked out the word tonneau anywhere it appeared on the box. It’ll do for now.
There’s a big difference between a truck bed cover by Access and Access tonneau covers: whether or not you’re a true American.
Showing posts with label truck bed covers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label truck bed covers. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Tonneau Tragedy; To Fold or Roll, That is the Question
To fold or to roll, that is the question Whether/'tis nobler in the mind to suffer/The slings and arrows of a shoddy tonneau cover/Or to take arms against a sea of tonneau troubles/And by opposing, end them. To snap, to tear/No more.
These days, finding a quality tonneau cover for your rig can be a down-right tragedy. One search on the internet delivers a venerable cornucopia of choices. Hard, soft, roll, fold, snap, tri, bi, retract and hinged. There are enough choices to scare off the ghost of King Hamlet himself. The amount of styles one is presented is, of course, only overshadowed by the number of tonneau manufacturers that exist. There has got to be a ton of money to be made by producing tonneau covers because there is no shortage of companies.
In the old days, my uncle Claude would take me on a day trip to Tijuana, Mexico to get a tonneau made for his El Camino. We would navigate our way deep into the sticky streets of industrial TJ, looking for the little upholstery shop that my uncle did business with. I don’t know how he knew them or how he found them but he did. The place, Jaliscos, was always abuzz with craftsmen making seat covers and tonneaus while drinking from an endless supply of Tecate beer. After a beer and some broken English bartering, my uncle would take me to lunch in downtown TJ. After we ate, he always bought me cinnamon soaked churro, then he would wink and warn me not to tell my aunt Gertrude. When we got back to Jaliscos, my uncle’s El Camino would be sporting a brand new tonneau cover.
Those simple days of Tecate beer, border crossings and chorizo burritos are gone now. Mass production, maquiladoras and homeland security have poured hemlock into the ear of handmade tonneaus from Mexico and left us with a hodge podge of what are now called truck bed covers. On some level it brings a tear to my nostalgic eye on the other hand, I realize that my uncle’s tonneau was really a clunky tarp that actually snapped to his vehicle. And, the snaps were drilled right into the side of his car, permanently!
Today, tonneau covers are simply amazing. The higher end gear can be installed in minutes with no drilling or cutting. They come off just as fast and leave no trace of their existence on your rig. Instead of snaps and straps, modern tarps use quality Velcro or roller tracks to stay on. This also means accessing all the stuff in your bed is easier than ever. Some covers fold open, some even have spring loaded latches and gas struts that lift them up for you. And, with the popularity of ecommerce sites, you can have one of these cool tonneau covers delivered right to your front door.
To narrow it down a bit and keep the costs within this stratosphere, it’s a good idea to opt for a roll up or folding tonneau. The roll up tarps are usually held fast with Velcro and have spring activated tension adjusters to keep your tarp taught. When you need access, you simply roll the cover like a blanket. It rolls up to your cab where you can strap it open or roll it shut again.
The folding covers are usually comprised of a tarp that is stretched over a lightweight frame. The frame is hinged in sections that allow you to lift it like a hard cover. You can lift sections separately on the nicer covers, giving you access to the different parts of your bed. This is a great choice for those who work in the field and need to access their bed frequently.
The end of this debate is no tragedy though. Even though spending a drunken day in Mexico with your uncle is a thing of the past, getting a high quality folding or roll up tonneau cover is something we can all do today.
To help wade through the plethora of choices, take a look at Access tonneau covers. Or, my all time favorite, the Extang trifecta tonneau cover is sure to prove most royal. Basically, you can not go wrong with either. - David S. Brooks
These days, finding a quality tonneau cover for your rig can be a down-right tragedy. One search on the internet delivers a venerable cornucopia of choices. Hard, soft, roll, fold, snap, tri, bi, retract and hinged. There are enough choices to scare off the ghost of King Hamlet himself. The amount of styles one is presented is, of course, only overshadowed by the number of tonneau manufacturers that exist. There has got to be a ton of money to be made by producing tonneau covers because there is no shortage of companies.
In the old days, my uncle Claude would take me on a day trip to Tijuana, Mexico to get a tonneau made for his El Camino. We would navigate our way deep into the sticky streets of industrial TJ, looking for the little upholstery shop that my uncle did business with. I don’t know how he knew them or how he found them but he did. The place, Jaliscos, was always abuzz with craftsmen making seat covers and tonneaus while drinking from an endless supply of Tecate beer. After a beer and some broken English bartering, my uncle would take me to lunch in downtown TJ. After we ate, he always bought me cinnamon soaked churro, then he would wink and warn me not to tell my aunt Gertrude. When we got back to Jaliscos, my uncle’s El Camino would be sporting a brand new tonneau cover.
Those simple days of Tecate beer, border crossings and chorizo burritos are gone now. Mass production, maquiladoras and homeland security have poured hemlock into the ear of handmade tonneaus from Mexico and left us with a hodge podge of what are now called truck bed covers. On some level it brings a tear to my nostalgic eye on the other hand, I realize that my uncle’s tonneau was really a clunky tarp that actually snapped to his vehicle. And, the snaps were drilled right into the side of his car, permanently!
Today, tonneau covers are simply amazing. The higher end gear can be installed in minutes with no drilling or cutting. They come off just as fast and leave no trace of their existence on your rig. Instead of snaps and straps, modern tarps use quality Velcro or roller tracks to stay on. This also means accessing all the stuff in your bed is easier than ever. Some covers fold open, some even have spring loaded latches and gas struts that lift them up for you. And, with the popularity of ecommerce sites, you can have one of these cool tonneau covers delivered right to your front door.
To narrow it down a bit and keep the costs within this stratosphere, it’s a good idea to opt for a roll up or folding tonneau. The roll up tarps are usually held fast with Velcro and have spring activated tension adjusters to keep your tarp taught. When you need access, you simply roll the cover like a blanket. It rolls up to your cab where you can strap it open or roll it shut again.
The folding covers are usually comprised of a tarp that is stretched over a lightweight frame. The frame is hinged in sections that allow you to lift it like a hard cover. You can lift sections separately on the nicer covers, giving you access to the different parts of your bed. This is a great choice for those who work in the field and need to access their bed frequently.
The end of this debate is no tragedy though. Even though spending a drunken day in Mexico with your uncle is a thing of the past, getting a high quality folding or roll up tonneau cover is something we can all do today.
To help wade through the plethora of choices, take a look at Access tonneau covers. Or, my all time favorite, the Extang trifecta tonneau cover is sure to prove most royal. Basically, you can not go wrong with either. - David S. Brooks
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